disturbing, some?

the other night, matthey barney's character from the cremaster cycle appeared in my dream...except he was dressed like willy wonka, top hat and all, attempting to slaughter me.
sigh, i still remember when i served him a coke + bjork, a mojito, during my waitressing days in nyc. he was subdued, quiet...on the shy side. it could've been love.

demigod #2: nietzsche

tonight i'll sleep with his untimely mediations beside me. i wish i could have been there to embrace him when he sacrificed his sanity to throw his arms around a horse being beaten without warrant...or so, that's how the myth goes.

"forgetting is essential to action of any kind...it is possible to live almost without memory, and to live happily moreover, as the animal demonstrates; but it is altogether impossible to live at all without forgetting...there is a degree of sleeplessness, of rumination, of the historical sense, which is harmful and ultimately fatal to the living thing."

rants of the cinematic kind

how is it that ghostrider is #1 in the box office right now? i'm truly sorry (which means, not really), but i admit it...i'm a film snob, through + through. i don't understand how people can sit through such films as ghostrider, because i said so, norbit, night at the museum, etc. i suppose i should try to be more proletariat-minded, but i can't quite help it. i fall into the 'ol arnold school, as much as i'm inspired to resist.

saw va savoir tonight, thanks to netflix. jacques rivette is a demigod!!! i heard of him before when i once took a class in the nouvelle vague, but it wasn't until a friend recommended la histoire de marie et julien that i understood why rivette was even worth a breath. i'm beginning to discern a pattern. love, destruction, it's all intertwined and i quite like it. happy endings don't ever happen, do they? it's just all part of that plug-and-chug hollywood formula. or perhaps it's just my personality. love, destruction, it's all intertwined.
this is completely a diversion from above, but i also learned that every second, a star somewhere in our universe explodes. hm. isn't the rumor that every second, another person is born? i wonder if there's any legitimate correlation.

pan's labyrinth

the love of my life, to the right. seriously though, this film was the stuff of subterranean + unconscious dreams. just adored it.

the funny thing about astrology...

...is that yes, it's absurd to believe but so believable sometimes. susan miller (of astrologyzone.com fame) has been pretty dead-on in other months and so far, february too. i'm embarrassed to admit that i consult ms. miller + such a chees-i-ly designed website for something as unpredictable as existence, but i'm a sucker for diversions, especially if my week's reading is impossible to get through. lightens the load. i read my horoscopes half-seriously, and sometimes, well, the other half of half-seriously recognizes a touch of familiarity in her words.

reality tires me

that's it.

under the influence...

i suppose it's whenever i get into a car or plane - some man-made machine to which i must surrender all power+control over my life - that i'm reminded of the fragility of life itself - that at any moment, our bodies could be torn asunder by some force beyond us. i start thinking about existence, therefore causing the fractures between mind and body to become all the more apparent. as i was driving yesterday, i could no longer tell if my foot was on the gas pedal and/or brake. or i didn't trust my mind - if i were to tell myself to accelerate/brake, would my body follow? i was almost testing myself on the road, dangerous by all means: when pit against the other, would mind or body prevail? or would they arrive at some safe middle ground of reconciliation? oh, blast. i need to stop living my life as if it were a movie. keep it natural. i also tend to conjure up wildly absurd tales of epic proportions with every stranger i meet, sending me down a path of destructive disappointment. ma coeur- poor, vulnerable beast that it is. would i be able to drive a car like a normal person if i were a simpleton?