under the influence...

i suppose it's whenever i get into a car or plane - some man-made machine to which i must surrender all power+control over my life - that i'm reminded of the fragility of life itself - that at any moment, our bodies could be torn asunder by some force beyond us. i start thinking about existence, therefore causing the fractures between mind and body to become all the more apparent. as i was driving yesterday, i could no longer tell if my foot was on the gas pedal and/or brake. or i didn't trust my mind - if i were to tell myself to accelerate/brake, would my body follow? i was almost testing myself on the road, dangerous by all means: when pit against the other, would mind or body prevail? or would they arrive at some safe middle ground of reconciliation? oh, blast. i need to stop living my life as if it were a movie. keep it natural. i also tend to conjure up wildly absurd tales of epic proportions with every stranger i meet, sending me down a path of destructive disappointment. ma coeur- poor, vulnerable beast that it is. would i be able to drive a car like a normal person if i were a simpleton?