tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42894131764151072862011-04-21T12:14:52.170-07:00the 13th floorthe13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.comBlogger351100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-83604004176558714262007-05-07T06:49:00.000-07:002008-12-10T05:36:57.183-08:00

...were creatures i dreamed about the other night. swam together in some indistinguishable sea. the stingrays floated like jumbo jet-liners atop the sea's surface. i could see blood swirling through their tranlucent wings, paper-thin enough for the sunlight to seep through them. now the spiked worms were invisible to the human eye. head and tail coiled together like an ouroboros, these worms

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-14800535813366106282007-05-03T12:55:00.000-07:002007-05-03T13:02:22.067-07:00

and he uses words like "enamored," "suitor," "jouissance." he regularly quotes keats, wants his remains to be blast into outer space when he dies, and comes over with dog treats for lola. we giggled our way through a (bloody) stage-version of titus andronicus, especially the human pot pie scene. on friday we're going camping...in his backyard. pitching a tent, reading with a flashlight.o, doth

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-88339362255353153522007-04-11T07:55:00.000-07:002008-12-10T05:36:57.343-08:00

can you tell that i'm just a wee bit obsessed with time these days? past present future present past futurepastpast pre-sent futuresenturentsapast...well, i certainly am, thanks to this grad. seminar i'm taking this semester on the time of theory. it's been a whirlwind. i'll never look at time in the same way again, but as an heirloom of a handkerchief that can be crumpled, unfolded, re-crumpled,

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-73116193264292577632007-04-07T06:38:00.000-07:002007-04-07T06:40:56.553-07:00

i'd like to believe, instead, that the living ghosts of your past crawl through your mouth while asleep and overtake you in sleep, in dream, in waking consciousness. an incubus of sorts that allows you to hold some creative freedom in interpreting the ghosts' words.

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-27874000050865464292007-04-05T09:56:00.000-07:002007-04-05T10:08:08.157-07:00

i had a dream last night that i half-drowned. i was aboard this rickety, wooden ship (i think somewhere around newfoundland) when tidal waves lurched forward out of the sky with their clenched, white fists ready to mince me to bits. i remember the only refuge from these waves was underwater, where everything was so silent and still. the best part? i could breathe underwater for up to 6 hours.

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-87739485519332232452007-03-29T22:08:00.000-07:002007-03-29T22:18:20.764-07:00

...meet boy. look like one at least. decided to chop off hair (again) on a whim. now left with mullety-wig that got shred to bits in a lawnmower. perhaps i can play the gender-confused card. if i slick my hair back, i could pull a mean david bowie impression, i bet.anyway, attended a recommended lecture today by lee edelman (who basically resists any notion of reproductive futurism and the Child

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-19960311823496654562007-03-26T20:19:00.000-07:002007-03-26T20:27:24.634-07:00

my other is always an english professor who's completely out-of-reach. he's most likely a) married/committed, b) has kids, c) is gay, d) or is some combination of the aforementioned points. no fair, i say. why is it so impossibly difficult to find someone with the least bit of intelligence and wit to boot? is it that my "least" is a standard set too impossibly high?

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-49150402340133309812007-03-15T15:16:00.000-07:002008-12-10T05:36:58.285-08:00

...but the surreal landscapes of iceland:

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-24716264030762699412007-03-08T08:54:00.000-08:002008-12-10T05:36:58.474-08:00

hello iceland! (well, in t-minus 3 days)....so direly in need of escape as my bum is literally sore from sitting so much + my "fainting couch," as some friends have deemed it, and i have become inseparable due to the innumerable hours spent reading/writing there. i'm beginning to think if i don't detach myself now, i'll melt between the cushions as another material casualty - same category as

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-63709937081820053472007-02-28T08:27:00.000-08:002008-12-10T05:36:58.873-08:00

the other night, matthey barney's character from the cremaster cycle appeared in my dream...except he was dressed like willy wonka, top hat and all, attempting to slaughter me.sigh, i still remember when i served him a coke + bjork, a mojito, during my waitressing days in nyc. he was subdued, quiet...on the shy side. it could've been love.

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-57586943181865994402007-02-23T18:25:00.000-08:002007-02-23T18:37:31.162-08:00

tonight i'll sleep with his untimely mediations beside me. i wish i could have been there to embrace him when he sacrificed his sanity to throw his arms around a horse being beaten without warrant...or so, that's how the myth goes."forgetting is essential to action of any kind...it is possible to live almost without memory, and to live happily moreover, as the animal demonstrates; but it is

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-62634987547815948842007-02-18T21:51:00.000-08:002008-12-10T05:36:59.073-08:00

how is it that ghostrider is #1 in the box office right now? i'm truly sorry (which means, not really), but i admit it...i'm a film snob, through + through. i don't understand how people can sit through such films as ghostrider, because i said so, norbit, night at the museum, etc. i suppose i should try to be more proletariat-minded, but i can't quite help it. i fall into the 'ol arnold school,

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-30374946365945207492007-02-13T07:09:00.000-08:002008-12-10T05:36:59.213-08:00

the love of my life, to the right. seriously though, this film was the stuff of subterranean + unconscious dreams. just adored it.

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-24620151731628696082007-02-08T12:20:00.000-08:002007-02-08T12:28:08.286-08:00

...is that yes, it's absurd to believe but so believable sometimes. susan miller (of astrologyzone.com fame) has been pretty dead-on in other months and so far, february too. i'm embarrassed to admit that i consult ms. miller + such a chees-i-ly designed website for something as unpredictable as existence, but i'm a sucker for diversions, especially if my week's reading is impossible to get

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-69177137211257124762007-02-05T21:13:00.001-08:002007-02-05T21:13:59.837-08:00

that's it.

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-40285929327506521172007-02-04T08:52:00.000-08:002007-02-05T20:17:48.366-08:00

i suppose it's whenever i get into a car or plane - some man-made machine to which i must surrender all power+control over my life - that i'm reminded of the fragility of life itself - that at any moment, our bodies could be torn asunder by some force beyond us. i start thinking about existence, therefore causing the fractures between mind and body to become all the more apparent. as i was

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-72326986804990149112007-01-30T13:42:00.000-08:002008-12-10T05:36:59.348-08:00

in the coming weeks, i'm teaching both the screenplay (by marguerite duras) and the film (by alain resnais) - the film easily falls into my top-5 list. there's nothing quite beautifully filmed, written, and all interwoven in a haunting love story that finds its very force in its eventual unraveling. it had to unravel for it to ever be "an impossible love." but i'm horribly biased. about the film,

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-49264792501407759382007-01-25T14:18:00.000-08:002007-01-25T14:23:57.659-08:00

...two nights in a row! the first, i killed by drowning it in a profound rain puddle from the night before...and the second i witnessed being killed by some enraged, faceless man who hurled it against a bathtub/or across the bathroom (i can't remember quite exactly).what do dead babies in dreams signify? a google search suggested that they represent some part of me that's forever lost or in lieu

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-85919842163959911362007-01-21T20:16:00.000-08:002007-01-22T20:15:32.586-08:00

...a week full of them, actually. friends from england (whom i met while in peru) were in town: ellie + tom. and so, i spent most of the weekend in a drunken stupor. manuel munoz also entered my life - began reading his short story collection, "zigzagger," and it's just beautifully written. munoz certainly possesses that rare quality of moving his reader - i've been left breathless after a few

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-79661229377005276962007-01-13T21:16:00.000-08:002008-12-10T05:36:59.531-08:00

...otherwise known as the giant squid. i spent my saturday night watching a documentary on the discovery channel detailing the search for this ever-elusive octopod. perfectly content to do so, too - i've always had this freakish fascination with the underwater, alien world that's existed before us + continues to carry on as it always has, no matter how much we land inhabitants spin out further

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-7165654437706861702007-01-11T17:08:00.000-08:002007-01-13T21:16:37.998-08:00

...but i finally trudged through sartre's nausea. not that it was difficult to finish, just a bit on the depressing side. i guess my thoughts aren't as original as i hoped they would be. just mere reverberations of the questions that have plagued human existence from the inception of time. i exist but why? for what good? i see my hand. i feel it as it types upon these keys. brain and fingers are

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-38861124381894725192007-01-08T18:38:00.000-08:002007-01-08T19:19:00.190-08:00

i returned from the sexy city this morning after a red-eye flight. the past 4 days exuded rain-kissed bliss, seeing one of my dearest friends, zahra, whom i met/taught with during my short-lived stint as a college counselor in nyc. she's a rarity - after all, there aren't many people i can tolerate for extended stretches of time, nevertheless collectively exterminate any waking sense of time at

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-33594544655643519012007-01-02T09:13:00.000-08:002007-01-02T09:37:50.785-08:00

...as i stood in the shower with the lights off, and the water was relentless. i couldn't remember where i was or why i felt the need to feel the water against my skin. it must have been that last date, where the crystallized weight of my delusions collapsed upon me all at once, and i could see what a basketcase i had become. i remember it so vaguely, which means i remember it not at all. certain

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-16919548167415919282006-12-29T17:14:00.000-08:002006-12-30T09:30:49.855-08:00

i was reading the current new yorker issue at a local coffeeshop when this made me misty-eyed. the bit that really packed a cardiac punch: "The question we writers are asked most often, the favorite question, is: Why do you write? I write because I have an innate need to write. I write because I can’t do normal work as other people do. I write because I want to read books like the ones I write. I

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-5277855035994522212006-12-27T16:07:00.000-08:002006-12-28T07:32:18.113-08:00

...learned. always check to see if you have your wallet in tow - today i was driving back to dc + soon realize i'm empty on gas. i pull into a station to refill, only to find that i don't have my wallet. scrounge up a couple dollars worth of quarters found in seat pockets, crevices, the whole spiel + drive back to md. now i'm stuck here, drinking my nth glass of cab in head-splitting solitude.

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-89019022810420406322006-12-22T14:21:00.000-08:002006-12-22T14:35:09.094-08:00

...kazuo ishiguro's a pale view of the hills next semester except i decided i don't really like it. or i'm a bit ambivalent about it. concerns a japanese expat in england whose daughter's suicide echoes with memories of ww2 + the a-bomb unleashed over nagasaki. while the novel's subtlety + quietude in approaching such devasting events lend the book its initial promise, i thought the connections

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-35240440198110480452006-12-22T09:36:00.000-08:002006-12-22T09:49:30.382-08:00

...of next summer. costa brava. labastide esparbairenque. a collection of short stories, a pinch inspired by john berryman's dreamsongs ... dali's short films...chopin's noctures...and shroom-induced hallucinations during one jaunt to amsterdam. i divulge many secrets here.

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-5742132885780562072006-12-21T12:45:00.000-08:002006-12-21T13:03:10.209-08:00

...quite a solitary life. wake up, read, write a little, read some more, wander the sidewalks with otherwise bursting head contained in earphones, imagine myself in the little film always running in my head, of which i'm the auteur and the audience, all conjured up. for no one will ever view this film - just me in unpredictable seizures of daydream and fleeting snapshots of distilled reveries,

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-41469250619110883612006-12-19T10:39:00.000-08:002006-12-19T10:51:04.081-08:00

...finally! pedro almodovar's volver, that is...well not until this fri. the 22nd but i've been looking forward to this film for months now. one reason why dc takes a backseat to nyc: i bet volver came out months ago in the latter city, and we just got the leftovers. i'm seriously discontent with the films out in theaters now...although i'd like to see john cameron mitchell's shortbus. otherwise

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-18910414276693674432006-12-19T09:08:00.000-08:002006-12-19T09:22:27.516-08:00

...and the moment at which i suffered a mental breakdown of sorts. it was not beautiful by any means, folks...but involved lots of snapping and screaming on my part. unleashed in the process was an effluvia of hurtful things said to people who didn't deserve it. displaced anger, i'd call it. or perhaps it's better described as poisoned frustration that began at some indiscernable origin and just

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-68774541118321056942006-12-12T22:58:00.000-08:002006-12-15T13:04:53.927-08:00

...that's me! i bullshit my pants for a living. i just don't know when to stop really... i don't know how i've managed to crank out approx. 40 pages of seminar papers in the last week. call it an out-of-body experience - for all i know, it was 40 pages of sheer babble which sadly, i'm responsible for unleashing in our already babble-bursting world. and of course, this is all playful - i feel so

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-90378944276146030702006-12-11T13:38:00.000-08:002006-12-11T13:46:00.162-08:00

...pleasing news today. actually it might be more stressful than pleasing but i got accepted to present at another conference set for march 2007. it's at the univ. of westminster, england. cheerio!

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-70533140521768514252006-12-10T22:08:00.000-08:002006-12-15T13:06:47.026-08:00

...in early january! to see a kindred spirit of mine.

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-18718136819953709502006-12-09T09:03:00.000-08:002006-12-09T09:29:28.924-08:00

...so far. woke up at 9:30, early for me. morning coffee. nearing the end of my 1st seminar paper (16/20 pages) . quick outdoor run with dog. listening to a random slew of tunes forgotten on my itunes. oh and now, the blogging ensues so i guess that brings my productivity level to an abrupt halt. affirmative, i've fallen victim to our constant stimuli-ridden mediated experience that my attention

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4289413176415107286.post-79150270866292135542006-12-07T19:17:00.000-08:002006-12-08T11:28:36.121-08:00

First + foremost, a cheerful welcome to my newly anointed blog. I've decided to change gears + devote this one solely to my rants, revelations + mostly, brain-rumblings, related to my life + research as a grad student - minion of the rankest cesspool! It's a lonely existence, I think... living inside of my mind all the time + struggling to retain that fragile distinction between dream + reality.

the13thfloorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01861528510319635033noreply@blogger.com0